by joysun | Feb 28, 2016 | Helene's Blog
101 Truths Set You Free
(Excerpts from the book,
“5 Minutes a Day to Happiness, A Practical Workbook of Transformational Insights & Solutions for Healing, by Helene Rothschild, LMFT)
When Glen realized the truth about commitment, it no longer frightened him, and he was finally willing to ask Sherry to marry him. Cindy’s life was much more fun after she discovered new definitions for play. Steve found himself more at ease at work and at home when he realized he could simply demonstrate his love and skills rather than try to prove himself.
Jan and Bob had a happier marriage and family when they began to see their children, communication and problems in a different light. Kathy and Jim were able to conquer their addictions and have healthier bodies after they learned how to explore their underlying issues and resolve them.
Life is more fruitful, purposeful, and fulfilling when you have an “instruction manual” and a good “map”. Information and tools help you live to the fullest and experience love, joy abundance and inner peace. The purpose of this workbook is to provide people with effective, powerful, yet simple tools that can assist them in their healing by helping them get to the root causes of their problems.
These 101 truths and their related fill-in exercises can help you uproot negative thoughts and change them to positive ones. They can assist you to have a positive, loving attitude, and act as a kick-start for healthy and successful living.
Some examples of the 101 truths and one page empowering exercises are:
Addictions are anything I do in excess in an attempt to run away from or numb my pain.
Confusion is felt when two or more parts of me are telling me opposite things.
Happiness is loving and accepting myself and feeling peacefully powerful.
Money is wonderful to give and receive and a tool to help build dreams.
Success is an internal feeling of fulfillment, peace and power that comes from being who I am and doing what I truly want to do.
“5 Minutes A Day to Happiness is a magnificent tool for growth and clarity. I use the truths as a way to guide me back to my heart center. The exercises are profound and move directly to the core of any issue and then out the other side with solutions and choices! I highly recommend this book! Candace McGinnis, MS, MsT, Co-director of Health Care Educator and Practitioner.
Copyright, 1997 & 2015 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, LMFT
https://www.helenerothschild.com/product/5-minutes-a-day-to-happiness
by joysun | Feb 18, 2016 | Helene's Blog
Excerpts from the book, “I Said What?” A Therapist’s Insights & Solutions for Love, Joy and Success, by Helene Rothschild, LMFT
Note: The names of the clients have been changed to spices to protect their identity.
Mr. Curry had a violent temper. To help him, I suggested, “Curry, I think it would be very helpful for you to purchase a stuffed animal. When you feel angry, hug it as if it is your angry little boy.”
Curry returned the following week carrying a tennis bag. To my pleasant surprise, he unzipped it and took out his cute little teddy bear, hugged it and said, “It worked, Helene. I did not put my fist though any walls this week. Thank you so much.” I congratulated Curry for nurturing his scared inner child which was hiding behind his angry little boy.
Exasperated, Ms. Vanilla exclaimed, “My mother makes me so angry.” I suggested that she say, “Mom, when you say that, I feel discounted.” Vanilla repeated my words and then admitted that she felt calmer and more powerful because she expressed the underlying feeling of her anger.
The truth is that no one makes you feel anything. Only we are responsible for all of our feelings; otherwise, we are like puppets who allow others to pull our strings. When that image comes up in a session, I encourage the client to cut the puppet cords so that no one can control them. Then they can take control of their lives, including their feelings.
For example, “Mr. Coconut”, I said, “I believe that you are suffering from the Puppet Syndrome. Close your eyes and look up to see who you are allowing to pull your strings?” “I see my parents and wife,” he replied. “I continued, “Coconut if you are ready and willing to be your own person, cut the puppet strings.” “I am definitely ready!” he declared. Coconut felt free to be his own person for the first time in his life.
Are you feeling free to be who you uniquely are? You are probably very unhappy if you are allowing others to pull your strings and control your life. It is your birthright to be free to be yourself. You can also cut the puppet strings and stand up for yourself. Go for it!
Mr. Paprika felt guilty that he did not love his parents. I explained, “Paprika, even if you are angry at them, you can still love them.” Love is a general feeling of deep caring; like and dislikes are about specific words or behaviors. Therefore, you can say, “I love you, and I do not like it when you criticize me.”
When clients ask me, “Helene, what should I do?” I respond with, “What are your choices?” After they explore the possible solutions, I continue, “Which one feels right to you?” I empower them to solve their own problems so they do not depend on me for their answers.
Copyright 2016 by author Helene Rothschild, LMFT,
“I Said What?” A Therapist’s Insights & Solutions for Love, Joy and Success
by joysun | Feb 15, 2016 | Helene's Blog
Excerpts from the book, “I Said What?” A Therapist’s Insights & Solutions for Love, Joy and Success, by Helene Rothschild, LMFT
I used to be a tennis player, teacher, and coach. However, as I moved on in years, I realized that my body was telling me to stop before I hurt myself. I really missed all the fun and exercise I had with my favorite sport. Many years later, I started playing tennis on the Wii Sports Nintendo game.
To have fun with these concepts, imagine that a very large carrot is the tennis racket that you use to hit the big olive, which is the tennis ball, with the hope and intention of sending it in the direction of the opposite court.
As I was running around chasing the tennis olive in my living room, I started to intuitively hear some profound life lessons to share with you. I noticed how helpful they were to offer insights and solutions on how to live a happier, more successful and fulfilled life. These important concepts can be applied to all sports. They helped me become a pro on the Wii and in life. The lessons can also greatly improve your game of life. Enjoy!
Self-coaching 1: When I miss the tennis olive, I can say to myself: “I am a failure; I am not very good at this; the other team is too good for me; I will quit trying; this is too hard; I am not good enough; and/or I will never improve.” Can you relate?
If I am aware of what I am saying, I can choose to coach myself in a positive way by thinking or saying out loud; “I will keep practicing; I am good enough; I am improving; and I am doing this well.” It would also be helpful to ask myself what did not work that time, and how can I do better and succeed? To learn from the experience, I can analyze how I can hold and swing my carrot more effectively, and whether or not it would be better to hit the olive sooner or later.
Life Lesson 1: Observe what is working in your life and what is not. Instead of giving up, or making the same mistakes and getting the same results, explore ways to be more successful. For example, if your conversation with your partner, child, boss, or friend did not go well, find out how you can improve your communication to have a better experience or outcome.
Self-coaching 2: On the Wii Sports game, tennis is a doubles match. I was upset with my partner playing at the net. She did nothing while I ran all over the living room struggling against the computer team. Two against one is unfair! Frustrated, I ate the carrot and olive.
One day, I told my nine-year-old granddaughter my dilemma. To my surprise, she said, “Grandma, you also need to swing your partner’s carrot at the net.” I had a good laugh, as I realized that all along I had control of both of my players.
Life Lesson 2: How many times do we feel like a victim when we actually have control of our lives? We are often quick to blame someone, or something else for our situation, when we really do have the power to change it.
Copyright 2016 by author Helene Rothschild, LMFT,
http://helenerothschild.com/product/i-said-what/
by joysun | Jun 25, 2015 | Helene's Blog
We are all natural healers, when we speak and act from love and caring. Fear causes our problems and love is the answer and the solution. One of my quotes is, “Love is the universal antidote for the poison of fear.”
I still remember my teachers in elementary school who were kind and caring, and that was a very long time ago. How about you?
One person can make a difference. For example, when I lived in New York, I realized that one nice, caring, positive taxi driver could easily touch many people. The person who leaves his cab feeling better is likely to share that caring with others in his office. Then they all go home and express it with their loved ones, and so on.
Caring words and actions can, in a sense, “defeat gravity”. Imagine a long line of lying down dominos moving back up. Each domino is pushing up the other, to stand straight and tall. It has a snowball effect.
Likewise, you can also, touch more people than you will ever know, by the following suggestions. Just remember my quote, “Focus each day not on what you accomplish, but how much love and caring you express to others and yourself.”
The following are 21 ways to be a daily healer, and make a difference in your life and others.
- Set your intent to choose to live from love. It is helpful to put your hands over your heart to remember to speak and act from your loving part.
- Share your love non-verbally. Some examples are a smile, a nod of your head in acknowledgment, or an act of kindness such as opening the door for someone.
- When you walk or drive by people, think loving words. For example “Bless you!”
- Look to compliment people. For example, “I like your dress, or tie.”
- Think about someone with loving, positive thoughts. Your thoughts are powerful, and they can make a positive or negative difference.
- Share your loving thoughts with everyone you can. For example, “I was thinking of you.”
- Tell people who are interested about your positive insights, solutions and growth. People can learn from your experiences, and they can be very grateful for the opportunity to benefit from them.
- Say something kind and caring to people you know or do not know. Remember to tell your loved ones, “I love you!”
- Tell everyone that you appreciate them for specific things about their actions or words. For example, “Thank you for helping with the dishes.” “I am grateful for your support.”
- Give to others unconditionally, which means you are not expecting anything in return. Give for the sake of giving which feels very good to them and you. Also, allow yourself to receive.
- Accept that we are all doing the best we can with the information that we have.
Be patient with others and yourself.
- Create win-win solutions, so that everyone feels good about the results.
- Spend quality time with others, and they will feel important to you and worthy of your attention.
- Perceive your job or career as a service (which is coming from caring), rather than just work. Feel grateful for the opportunity to make a difference in other people’s lives.
- Tell your truth in a loving, positive way. For example, “I appreciate when you call me if you will be late.”
- Look for the humor in what happens and help others laugh. Remember it is only funny if everyone involved is laughing.
- Honor and respect everything and everyone, including you.
- In difficult situations, listen to your intuition to know what to do for your highest good. Your intuition comes totally from love and wisdom.
- Forgive people for their mistakes or negative behavior. We all make mistakes, and we can learn from the experience.
- Be supportive of what people choose to do. Remember that they are not you. We are all unique individuals, here to live our unique lives.
- Trust that you do make a difference when you act from love and caring.
Copyright 2015 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, LMFT
by joysun | May 2, 2014 | Helene's Blog
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have discovered how we act like monkeys and parrots. I noticed that practically all of my clients did to their children what their parents did to them, even though they hated the behavior. For example, children that were yelled at or hit, often grow up doing the same to their kids. (A monkey sees and a monkey does. A parrot hears and a parrot repeats.)
We learn how to be in the world from our parents modeling. Therefore, we continue to pass down the abusive behavior through the generations. I help my clients stop that dysfunctional pattern, and you can, too.
I once asked my 12-yeat-old daughter why she did something. She replied, “Mom, you sound like grandpa!” “Oh,” I responded, “thank you for telling me. I hated when my father said that to me!”
You see, we can be on “automatic pilot” and not be aware of those negative patterns. Once I become conscious of mine, I set my intent to avoid putting my daughter or anyone else on the defensive by starting my sentences with the word “why.” I replaced that word with what and how questions which are great to simply ask for more information.
I suggest that you forgive your parents (and yourself if you need to) for doing the best they could with the information they had. Then be conscious of what behaviors you want to keep from your parents modeling and which ones you choose to change to more positive reactions and behaviors. Be the person you want your children to be. They are watching and listening. They can be like positive, functional monkeys and parrots. What a wonderful world this would be, if we all did just that. What you do and say does make a difference!
Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, LMFT, has been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 30 years. She developed her own therapeutic technique which she calls, HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation). She is also a speaker, workshop facilitator, and the author of All You Need is HART! Rothschild is also the author of numerous inspirational books, CDs, articles, and posters, including the well known parenting guidelines, “As I Grow” and “Help Me Grow.” Rothschild offers international telephone and in-person sessions. Her office is near Campbell. www.helenerothschild.com
